World War Not-Z

World-War-Z-Banner

The second trailer for the World War Z movie was recently released (see link at the end of the post) to try and tantalize our gooey grey matter into caring. It’s fast-paced, CGI-heavy, and story-lite. It does go into a little more detail than the first trailer, giving us all a slightly better glimpse at the world the movie is hoping to build.

That’s the problem though, there’s no reason for the movie to do any world building at all. The entire WWZ universe was beautifully laid out in the source material, the original book by the same name by Max Brooks. Why are they recreating anything?

There is a lot wrong with this movie. More than I care to spell out right now. But I’ll quickly mention the two biggest problems this movie has.

First, it’s not the World War Z story. Except for the fact that there are supposed to be zombies, little of the story seems to be shared with the book. The brilliant, wonderful, thoughtful book. This movie just looks like a generic action CGI handjob, written for simple-minded halfwits whose only criteria for a good movie is “Woooooooo…. All dem ‘splosions are purdy.” If they had any honor at all, they’d change the name of the movie to something along the lines of “Zombies! Bombs! Brad Pitt! KABOOOOOM”… it would work as well.

Stupid Zombies

Michael Bay would be proud.

Second though, and this is the one that really gets me;

They.  Aren’t.  Zombies.

Monsters? Yes. Scary? Well, the thought of them, yes (though these CGI manequins not so much). Zombies? Noooooooooooo.

Simply put, zombies are slow. These, aren’t.

Here are zombies:

Zombies1

Slow. Dead. Often old and dumpy. But they come in numbers.

Zombies2

They shamble. Slowly. But it’s the fact that there’s a line of them that you can’t safely cross that blocks your path. And they’re relentless, never stopping, never sleeping, day or night.

zombies4

A large enough group, a horde, and you’re screwed.

Zombies3

Alone though, they aren’t scary, or even all that dangerous.

Here’s whatever the hell this movie is showing:

NotZombies1

They’ve been in “zombie” training for weeks for this. That’s obviously why they were caught in the first place.

NotZombies2

This is completely reversed. The fat dude should be the zombie, and the skinny stripper should have been able to outrun them and escape safely.

NotZombies3

He’s fast, so obviously he’ll become a zombie. Be afraid.

I’m sure I’ll say more, a lot more, on this topic in the future. But for now, let me just finish off by saying, I have no plans on paying a penny to see this movie. Because it’s not a zombie movie, even though it should be.

Thanks to Bloody Disgusting for the trailer: http://bloody-disgusting.com/news/3224891/new-world-war-z-trailer-introduces-some-mid-air-chaos/
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