Television Premiere Dates – 2013-14 Season – Week 2

TV nerds, more season/series premiere dates for ya. Not much appeals to me this coming week, but here are a few shows of note (with added commentary):

Monday 9/16:
8PM – FOX – Bones (I’m seriously considering giving this show up… it was just terrible last season)
9PM – FOX – Sleepy Hollow (My wife put it best: “Wait, that’s *not* a CW show? How is that show not on the CW?”)

Tuesday 9/17:
8:30PM – FOX – Brooklyn Nine-Nine (I probably won’t watch it, but for 30 minute comedy fans, it has a really good cast, so probably worth checking out)

Friday 9/20:
9PM – PBS – The Hollow Crown (BBC produced Shakespeare on PBS… you could do a lot worse… in fact, if watched anything else on TV this week you did)

That’s all the stuff this week that I even remotely care about. I’m sure some shitty reality shows start too, but fuck those things.

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Television Premiere Dates – 2013-14 Season – Week 1

OK TV nerds, the new season is on us. A couple shows worth watching are starting this week.

Tuesday 9/10:
10PM – FX – Sons of Anarchy

Friday 9/13:
7PM – Nickelodeon – Legend of Korra

Yeah, that’s it for this week. Other stuff is starting, for sure, but it looks like broadcast premieres don’t really start till next week.

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Yoda Says: “Better idea for prequel movies, these are.”

funny-star-wars-5-facebook-cover-timeline-banner-for-fb

If you’re anything like me, you know that there have been only 3 Star Wars movies. Just three. THREE. Those more recent abominations were just fan-fic that somehow got greenlit by the movie studios. But are they actualy Star Wars movies? No.

Nooooooooo

Also? Fuck no. No. No no no no no.

They were terrible, from start to finish. And what’s really sad is, they could have been great. As the guy in the videos below so eloquently lays out, the movies could have been brilliant.

So, give them a watch. He has only posted the videos for Episode’s 1 and 2 so far, but they’re so, so much better than the steaming pile of wampa feces that the other movies were.

So what do you think? Personally, I think that the day George Lucas dies these need to go immediately into production. Maybe even before that. Actually, let’s just not wait and do it right now. Which is much more likely now that he no longer controls the Star Wars universe. But until the day that this happens, and until Disney puts out a new good Star Wars movie, there will remain three and only three Star Wars movies.

Prequels

Period.

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2 minute movie review: Europa Report

europaposter

For those unaware of the new movie “Europa Report”, which very likely is almost every single one of you, pay attention: this is a movie you want to see.

The movie, a near-future, found footage style science fiction movie, follows six astronauts as they travel to Jupiter’s moon Europa. It’s directed by Sebastian Cordeo, who in the past directed… um… honestly, I’d never heard of any of the movies he’d directed before, but based on this movie I suspect that they’re pretty good and will be viewing them as soon as possible. The pacing of the movie is deliberate, but never slow, and Cordeo makes good use of silent pauses to keep tension at a steady level. The story is simple, but not stupid. The deeper message is there, but they let you think about it rather than shoving it in your face like you’re an idiot, which I appreciate quite a lot.

EUROPA-REPORT

“This movie is good to go!”

The cast is, frankly, fantastic. And as a true ensemble cast there is no one lead, so every part must be strong; and they all are. You’ll know some of the actors: Sharlto Copley, best known from another nerd-porn movie “District 9”, is truly touching. Michael Nyqvist, who is probably most known for playing the lead in the original “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” and sequels, is perfect as a gruff engineer, balancing a touch of menace with healthy doses of emotional fragility. Karolina Wydra, who I know best from “House M.D.” where she played House’s prostitute wife, but is also currently in “True Blood”, handles the role of the idealist scientist deftly. Anamaria Marinca was simply amazing, and when she hurt, you hurt. Embeth Davidtz (who you know from… well… a lot) as the non-narrator keeps you wanting more. All the rest of the cast? Also awesome.

vZNpYhO

In space, no one can hear you eat Skittles.

The special effects are believable, never overdone, and make you want to go into space. Well, make you want to go into space even more. The soundtrack is of special mention, as it captures the feeling of the film perfectly without ever getting in the way. It should be noted that the soundtrack was done by Bear McCreary, who has done some of the best sci-fi soundtracks out there: “Battlestar Galactica”, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”, “The Walking Dead”… it’s no wonder the movie sounds as good as it does.

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Tell me you don’t want to be standing right there. Right. Now.

All said, there is very little about the movie I didn’t enjoy. The fact that the science was treated as actual science, and not something that just got in the way of the plot, was more than refreshing. It wasn’t a 2 week trip to Jupiter, it was a 2 year trip. There is no artificial gravity without spinning part of the spaceship. The acting felt honest. The movie never felt overdone or gratuitous. And in the end, all I really wanted was for their mission to actually happen in real life, which is the sign of a good sci-fi story.

Europa-Report-3

Please let me tag along if you actually launch this mission.

The movie is already out on iTunes and Google Play, and is due out in theaters on August 2nd. Go see it.

http://www.europaventuresllc.com/
https://www.facebook.com/europareport
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The Prime Dirsextive

1 -Sex in space

I’ve been tumbling a thought around in my head the past few days, an idea that I just can’t seem to let go of. One of those thoughts that, once in your brain, even if it only makes an appearance every so often, keeps showing up. I’ve only briefly put any real effort into thinking it through, and so far haven’t come to any conclusions, but I’d like to put it out into the world to be considered by others.

It all started when I read this Savage Chickens comic :

chickenriker

I got to thinking about the Prime Directive in Star Trek, and how the Federation is just simply not allowed to interfere at all with the internal development of alien civilizations. Say, for example, the Klingons invent wine bottles, but have yet to invent the corkscrew, the Federation isn’t allowed to give them the technology. Flipside to that, Klingons will never invent the corkscrew, because they’ll either open up the bottle with a Bat’leth (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFPrmgy7SmQ), or they’ll just smash a bottle over a Ferengi’s head to break it open: Klingon-punch-Quark

Excuse me little Ferengi, but I’m thirsty and your head is a perfect blood wine bottle opener.

So, the Prime Directive. Can’t give a man a cup for the water he’s dying to drink unless his race has already discovered the cup.

Except.

Except that inter-species sex, which has WAY more potential to alter the course of the species, is totally fine. More advanced medicine because your species doesn’t know how to fight a disease? Nope, you’re shit out of luck. But sexing up their ladies? Introducing a whole new set of genes into their gene pool? No problem. Oh, and the medicine you’ll need to counter the space-syphilis we just gave you? Yeah, you’re going to have to develop that on your own.

2 - Space Syphilis

Oh, that little infection you caught from me? I only have one shot of penicillin, and it’s not for you.

Does this strike anyone else as completely against the spirit of the Prime Directive? Or does love (or lust, in Kirk’s and Riker’s case) truly conquer all? And with it, completely change the genetic makeup of an entire species, permanently. You know how a ton of humans can trace their lineage back to a handful of famous people? Imagine a few hundred years after the Enterprise visits Fucky-Alpha 14, they’ll all be able to say that Kirk was their great-great-great-great-grandfather. And now they’re all allergic to ragweed, even though they have no idea what ragweed is. Seriously, there’s something wrong with that system. The Prime Directive: preventing species interference except for the one area where it really counts.

enemy_buff1

Sorry, what were you saying about not having sex? I was distracted by thoughts of all the alien sex I’m about to go have.
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The Pixar Theory

I came across this the other day and…. it’s freaking brilliant. Seriously. I doubt Pixar had this all in mind when they started making movies, but they need to incorporate it into their planning from here on out. It’s fantastic. Enjoy!

Jon Negroni

pixar theory

Every Pixar movie is connected. I explain how, and possibly why.

Before we go further, I should let you know that The Pixar Theory is now a published book. Since writing this blog post in 2013, I’ve been working on completing the unified theory in what I hope you find to be a compelling and even more persuasive essay. Or not. It’s cool either way.

You can check out the book here. Or keep reading below to read the original theory. Just keep in mind that a lot of what you’re about to read has been vastly improved over the last few years.

Back to the theory!

In 2012, I watched a video on Cracked.com that introduced the idea (at least to me) that all of the Pixar movies actually exist within the same universe. Since then, I’ve obsessed over this concept, working to complete what I call The Pixar Theory

View original post 4,657 more words

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Double Hubble, Discover and… Bubble

HB 189733B

The Hubble Space Telescope, 23 years old and allowed to legally drink but not rent cars, has had an exciting couple of days with two new near-Earth discoveries. Both discoveries involve planets, one 63 light-years from Earth, and the other right here in our own solar system.

The first is perhaps the most exciting. Discovered in late 2005, the planet HD 189733 b orbits the star HD 189733 A. That star is an orange dwarf star and the primary star in a binary star system. The secondary star in the system, HD 189733 B, is a red dwarf star. The planet, the only one known in that system, is what is called a “Hot Jupiter”, a gaseous giant that very closely orbits its star; in this case close enough to orbit the star once every 2.2 days, which is 3199 years and 363 days faster than the companion binary star orbits the primary star. Yes, the binary star is so much further out in orbit that it takes 3200 years to take the same trip.

HD 189733 b is about 13% larger than Jupiter, and is tidally locked (one side of the planet always faces the sun, much like how one side of our moon always faces us). Because it’s tidally locked, the temperature difference between the light and the dark side are significant, and cause extreme winds and weather; the winds reach up to 4,350 miles per hour, the temperatures reach more than 1,800 degress Fahrenheit (1,000* Celcius), and rains of hot glass are pretty much the normal. Also interesting, in 2007 HD 189733 b became the second extrasolar planet evidence for water was found, though at such high temperatures any chance of life forming is slim-to-none.

Anyway, what the Hubble most recently discovered this week about lovely HD 189733 b is that it’s blue. And while that doesn’t sound all that fantastic, this is the first time ever that the visible color of an extrasolar planet has ever been directly observed. They still aren’t sure what gives it the blue color, but they describe how they figured out the color;

“We saw the brightness of the whole system drop in the blue part of the spectrum when the planet passed behind its star. From this, we can gather that the planet is blue, because the signal remained constant at the other colors we measured.” -Tom Evans of the University of Oxford, U.K., the leader of the study.

To read into this in more detail, it’s worth clicking through to both NASA’s and Space.com’s articles on the discovery:

http://www.nasa.gov/content/nasa-hubble-finds-a-true-blue-planet/
http://www.space.com/21928-alien-planet-blue-color-revealed.html

Neptune Moon S 2004 N 1

That’s no moon, that’s a space statiooo… no, wait, that’s a moon.

The second discovery the Hubble is much, much closer to Earth; Neptune. Using archive photographs from 2004 through 2009, scientists discovered a new moon orbiting our neighboring planet. Named (boringly, and hopefully soon to be renamed something much more interesting) S/2004 N 1, the tiny moon is less than 12 miles across and is so dim that it even escaped notice of the Voyager 2 spacecraft when it flew directly past it in 1989. It sits between the orbits of two other moons, Larissa and Proteus, and travels around its planet once every 23 hours.

Read more about it here:

http://www.nasa.gov/content/nasa-hubble-finds-new-neptune-moon/

So there you go. The Hubble, still going strong after all these years. Space nerds rejoice!

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